Domestication

Illustration © Claire Palmer, 2020 for International Times.

Thank you for calling our service. You are
fifth in the queue. An operator will be
with you shortly. In the meantime, watch
the beasts in our zoo through the keyhole.
Please observe safety precautions and
remain in your vehicle. A lion born in captivity
has recently been reported missing.

Thank you for calling our service. You are
fourth in the queue. Apologies for the delay.
All our operators are busy at present. 
We are experiencing unexpected disruption,
someone will be with you shortly. For information
in your own language, access online tutorials.

Thank you for calling our service. You are
third in the queue. The operators hear
shouting and screaming outside the call centre,
high alert. Please remain in your vehicle
and lock the doors. Our clients’ welfare is
very important except in emergency situations
when staff come first. To survive the jungle,
you have to become animal.

Thank you for calling our service. You are
second in the queue. All our operators
are dealing with a serious incident.
We are sorry for this inconvenience.
The background music contains sounds
which you may find distressing.
Press zero to return to the main menu,
press one to continue listening.

Thank you for calling our service. You are
next. Please have your bank details ready.
Bear with us and someone will be with you
as soon as possible. To listen to these
options again, press star. To keep on,
please hold. You are next. You arrr…

Good morning, sorry to keep you waiting,
you are through to the Samaritans. How
                              can we help you today?

© Maria Stadnicka, 2020. Published in International Times on 24 October 2020.

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