My lords, if I were the queen I would
Switch off the lights to
Look at the stars through the curtains
With no fear of darkness.

I would have snow in different colours,
All people would be entitled to chocolate dreams every day
Would be a singing trip to the seaside.

On my land, each person would get
Mondays off work just to listen to Grayson Perry on radio four
And read poetry.

I think I would like champagne in the afternoons
And have time to rest my head on your chest
Just to feel the heart beat.

I could stand up and tell the prime minister
To shut up for once
And make me tea.
My foreign accent would be standard English
And every war would be a cooking competition.

I would ban perfection and declare
All people with eyes beautiful nevertheless
I would be in love
And yes admit to my only weakness:
I don’t play the piano but
All of us will have to
Learn the works of Fauré by heart.

And
The only crimes would be
Flavourless ice cream and lonely men.
Postmodernity a thing of the past.