I did not know
how much you wrapped yourself
around my heart until today when
sitting in the park I accidentally caught
you eating bread. You took each bite
eyes closed and gently stroked the crust
like you’d do on Sunday at church.
You did not smile, it was
the sun which briefly smiled at you.
I had been there in the cold for quite a while
but did not move or blink nor even breathe,
just waited.
You packed the crumbs away
and quickly vanished.
And then I sobbed.
There are no doors
No windows
Where we are
The black air stops me
Seeing how you look like
As you sit on the chair
Sipping the cold tea
I can only imagine your face
Reflected over an old map of innocence
There is nothing to say now
All that had to be spoken
Is spoken for
The non-words fill the landscape
With stillness
The beautiful dead bodies
Are floating outside the city limits
Taken away by tides.
I sigh when I sleep
And turn my back to the sea.
My body gets smaller and smaller
Ready to enter the wooden box.
The history grows between us
Like a living room plant
In a small, windowless house
But at least you live by the fire
While I am the black ink of this poem
Staring at you during the night.
My bright eyes reflect
The shadow of your absence,
Waiting for a new, final peace.
Photo: Georgiana Calinescu-Barber
Maria Stadnicka 