Photography: ©John Stadnicki 2018
I have come to recognise God in a violent song,
played in the evening with broken forks and knives.
If I refuse to kneel, the winter starts at the end of September,
on Tuesdays, when I pass by the Jewish quarters.
My road to confession starts, just the same, in the morning chill.
The stones, the trees, the sky have a message,
of that I am certain, arrived at the wooden door of the hermitage.
And I knock and I knock.
A raven finally opens the white background.
The raven says with calculated words that, at present,
this government is busy.
Important wars need attending, in a land like no other.
I am given a form and I hear the padlocks.
I jump on the treadmill to keep warm.
Photo: copyright@John Stadnicki, 2016
The other day I had a fall in the bathroom
and cracked two ribs.
I have a black eye and a swollen knee.
Google says I should end up with a persistent cough and
the doctor recommends to avoid
laughter, hic-ups, children, smiling people.
Yesterday, I burnt my left hand with boiling steam,
I cursed and dropped the kettle on the floor,
then smashed the kitchen window with my fist.
Today I am definitely going to die so
I have now set fire to the house
ready to lie in bed wrapped up in wet blankets.
My next door neighbour pops by to say that
winter is about to settle in and
he ran out of tea bags.
Sometimes when both of us have dinner
The silent wolf stops by to watch.
I hear the knock on the window but keep
Looking at you and burst into fits of laughter.
We talk about the constant rain and
Listen to the tapping sound on the roof.
I offer you another glass.
The distant howl breaks the metallic echo in the room.
The ocean drips and drips
Cold over the plates, the table cloth
Whilst I wipe everything clean
Ready to hold new words between my beautiful teeth.
Mixed media: Maria Butunoi
There is a camera above my head looking at this
Collection of bones, noses, eyes, ears,
Bits of hair, silver bracelets and teeth.
All on the table in front of me.
The camera is showing the result of the war.
Two – nil, china.
A hidden camera briefly turned on
Slowly recording each tear
Reporting back to you, master.
The masses add to my selection of
Human remains, photographs, children.
Born and unborn.
I am struggling so hard to keep crying
But I need another drink
And the shops are closed.